


I Wanna Be Less Boring

by Ithaca8bc



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Arsenal FC, Bedroom Talk, F/F, Kinky, Self Confidence Issues, Sexual Fantasy, fantasies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithaca8bc/pseuds/Ithaca8bc
Summary: Simple and smut filled fan fic where Leah decides she is the boring girlfriend to Jordan and wants more spice in their bedroom life with more kinks and funClearly not real based on real life people but I have no clue what goes on in their bedroom or wherever they decide to get naughty and obviously this is all about Leah Williamson and Jordan Nobbs.
Relationships: Leah Williamson/Jordan Nobbs
Comments: 5
Kudos: 101





	1. The Worried Drive Home

Chapter 1 The Worried Drive Home 

Jordan and Leah are driving home after a fun team bonding evening round at Lisa and Viv's. Their first proper team get together post crisis wasn't as wild as Jordan was expecting though they still have a few league games left in the year. The coaches would have gone mad if they found out the girls had all gotten drunk at a party. Even without alcohol Jordan had a great time in fact her cheeks are still hurting from laughing so much. Her biggest worry is about her partner Leah who was sat slumped in the passenger seat of her car with her head pressed against the window. Jordan doesn’t know what was wrong, Leah was all happy and smiling when they left the party but the second, they were alone in the car together Leah slumped into moody teen mode. Jordan knows she should be a good girlfriend and ask what's wrong, but she knows Leah doesn't like opening up when she is sulking. If given time Leah always tends to come forward and tell Jordan when something is eating on her mind anyway so there is no real sense in pushing her. That doesn't stop Jordan from worrying though, her fingers digging a little harder into the fabric round the steering wheel. Leah loves parties and loves hanging with her teammates so to see her upset after one has Jordan concerned. A classic Spice Girls hit starts to play on the radio and eager to break the silence of the car ride home Jordan turns it up. 

"Can you turn that down?" Leah asks firmly no sooner after Jordan wacked up the volume. 

Jordan flinches with surprise but does as her girlfriend asks almost muting the music. Now she is really worried about Leah and can't resist turning her head towards her beautiful blonde girlfriend. 

"What's the matter Leah?" Jordan asks softly. 

Leah shrugs and twists her body more towards the window making Jordan sigh. Something bad is eating the young England defender and not knowing what it is bothers Jordan massively. She already knows the second they get home Leah is pulling off her casual outfit and burying herself inside a massive hoodie almost cocooning herself so she can be alone. Jordan bites her lip and tries to compose herself; she knows it's silly after they have been going out for several years, but it still upsets her to see Leah being unhappy. Slowing up to a set of traffic lights Jordan cannot stop herself reaching over and touching her girlfriend's knee. 

"Don't Jordan," Leah wails in a soft upset sounding voice. 

"Baby what's wrong? Please you looked so happy at the party," Jordan asks as Leah just shrugs. 

Letting go of Leah's knee Jordan lets out another long sigh. She tried but Leah is keeping whatever is bothering her locked up inside and will only open up on her own terms. Jordan settles back into the drive home letting her mind wander to other things so as not to obsess over Leah. She just starts thinking about what she can make for dinner tomorrow when she can feel that Leah is looking at her. 

"Jordan am I boring?" Leah asks quietly and Jordan snaps her head around. 

"Of course, you are not boring pet who told you that?" Jordan snaps suddenly getting worked up at the idea someone on her team called her girlfriend boring. 

"No not like that I mean um sexually," Leah says and a slight blush appears on the blonde's cheeks. 

Jordan fights back a giggle; she wasn't expecting that from her girlfriend. 

"Why do you ask? Who would make you feel like that?" Jordan wonders aloud keeping her eyes mostly on the road only glancing at Leah. 

"Well um Katie and few others were playing Truth or Dare" Leah starts to admit slowly, "And the er questions were kinda sexual based." 

Jordan cannot help but crack a smile now, of course their Irish left back would be playing teenage slumber party games at a grown-up house party. Still doesn't explain why Leah is so upset, she has been round Katie before and Jordan even remembers Leah admitting to Katie that she was the little spoon in bed sometimes which embarrassed Jordan more than her. 

"Well one of the truths was what is your biggest sexual fantasy, and I didn't have one," Leah speaks quickly looking forward through the windscreen not looking her girlfriend in the eyes. 

"Huh?" Jordan asks in a confused voice.

"I couldn't think of anything Jordan, I mean everyone else had these hot fantasies and I couldn't think of a single one," Leah admits looking anxious. 

"Oh, and you got pissed off when Katie and the others teased you about it?" Jordan guesses and is a little surprised when Leah nods her head. 

"No, they didn't but it made me think about you and how bad of a girlfriend I am," Leah says softly. 

Jordan can't hold it in and does start giggling but stops when she sees how upset Leah is. 

"Leah you are the best girlfriend ever I don't know why you would ever even think that" Jordan says leaning over in her seat to kiss Leah's cheek. 

"But I don't even have a fantasy about you," The young defender pouts as Jordan pulls up outside their house. 

"So?" Jordan shrugs, "You are just not that kind of person Leah I know that, I know how this is your first proper long term relationship and I remember how nervous you got about sleeping together cause you had never been with a girl before and that's fine pet I never wanted to date you cause you were a monster in the sack," Jordan explains as she parks up and puts a hand on Leah's shoulder. 

"Thanks Jord but still kinda pathetic of me to be a grown woman and have no sexual thoughts about my amazing girlfriend," Leah replies looking right at Jordan. 

Without thinking Jordan snaps open her seatbelt and leans forward into Leah. Their lips meet and Jordan relaxes hearing her girlfriend sigh and return the kiss. Jordan is glad it was nothing serious Leah was worrying about although it clearly is something serious to Leah. If she had to be totally honest then Jordan would admit yes her lovemaking with Leah is quite tame and vanilla compared to other couples. Jordan has heard her fair share of sex stories from other teammates full of kink and slutty passion. Yes, she doesn't get that from Leah and in a way Jordan is kind of glad. Jordan knows deep down if Leah looked at her right with those big wide beautiful eyes Jordan would do anything she asked no matter how degrading or slutty the task was, Jordan would do it just to make those pretty eyes sparkle. She learned a long time ago even when they were just friends that Jordan would do pretty much anything Leah asked and the fact that the younger blonde isn't some closet dominatrix is probably for the best. 

"Look I love you and I don't care if you don't fantasize about me hell we could never have sex again if you wanted I just want you with me forever," Jordan explains and she watches those big powerful eyes shine with tears. 

"I love you Jordan," Leah whispers leaning in for another kiss with her understanding girlfriend.


	2. Beginnings of Passion

Chapter 2 Beginnings of Passion 

With the kettle switched on and the TV playing in the background playing Sky Sports News Jordan feels relaxed and at home. The crisis of Leah being upset in the car feels so far behind her and that declaration of love she gave her girlfriend makes Jordan so happy. She has often struggled with words, not in a bad way Jordan just never felt like she was able to explain properly to Leah just how much she loved her. Tonight, she feels like she has done that and just being able to say that to Leah then having her respond with a toe-curling kiss is the best thing that has happened to Jordan since she first asked Leah out. Humming a random tune to herself a delighted Jordan busies herself with getting the mugs ready so they can have a nice cup of tea before bed. She can hear Leah stomp down the stairs having gone up to change and Jordan wonders if she will ever stop feeling this happy. Pouring out the tea Jordan walks into the front room to see Leah in her PJ's already curled up on the sofa eyes glued to the TV. 

"Here," Jordan says offering a mug forward which Leah takes and sips instantly. 

Jordan sits down next to her pyjama wearing girlfriend who is just looking directly at her with an expression Jordan can’t read. 

"What's wrong? What have I forgotten? Jordan asks confused. 

"Nothing just don't remember ever seeing you with that big of a smile on your face," Leah says and Jordan feels herself blush. 

"Just been a good night you know, good party, great food and I er got to say I love you to the best girlfriend in the world," Jordan replies on an embarrassed but happy tone. 

"Awwwwww come here," Leah beams putting her tea down to wrap Jordan up in a hug. 

Eagerly Jordan presses into her girlfriend's soft warm body allowing herself a second to always remember this moment. 

"I'm still a little upset you know," Leah admits as her hand softly rubs down Jordan's back. 

"Cause of the sex thing?" Jordan asks looking up and seeing that worry etched across the model like features of Leah. 

"Yeah, like I know I'm kinda boring in a lot of ways," Leah says lifting her legs up onto the sofa so she can snuggle into Jordan even more. 

"I'd never call you boring," Jordan quickly responds but Leah shakes her head. 

"I am though not saying it's bad just I eat the same boring old foods, I will spend my whole career at Arsenal and come on Jordan don't say training to be an accountant isn't the dullest thing possible" Leah explains and Jordan can't help but see her point. 

"Yeah, alright fine you are not all excitement and jet set lifestyles but that's what I love about you Leah for as beautiful as you are you are completely down to earth," Jordan says leaning up and kissing her worried girlfriend on the cheeks. 

"Thanks babe but still I wish I could be more excited for you," Leah admits sadly. 

Jordan ponders for a second, if she hadn't gotten to know Leah as a friend first, she might think the stunning blonde is just fishing for compliments. Deep down Jordan knows Leah has a lot of self-doubt, far too much for someone as amazing as Leah Jordan thinks but then again Leah tells her all the time how she underestimates herself. The fact they both at times have the same problem with lack of confidence it should be easy for Jordan to talk her girlfriend up. That is hard though as Jordan isn't quite sure how to give Leah confidence in an area that Leah has never really been interested in. Sure, they had a fair amount of sex when they finally admitting their feelings for each other, but Jordan always was the one who started it. Never once since they started dating has Leah just walked into a room and ripped Jordan's clothes off to fuck her. It never really bothered Jordan until now, but the fact Leah is so worried about it does hatch a few unnerving doubts in Jordan's mind. Maybe if she were hotter Leah would have loads of naughty sexual fantasies about her. An even nastier thought pops in Jordan's brain that maybe Leah isn't into sex as much is because she is straight and only pretending to be gay so as not to hurt Jordan's feelings. Shaking her head Jordan dismisses the evil thought from the forefront of her mind letting it sink back into the shadows with all Jordan's other inner fears and self doubts. 

"You ok? Leah asks sounding worried once again looking right into Jordan’s eyes. 

"Yeah, just I don't think I have an answer for you love," Jordan admits sadly squeezing her arms tighter around Leah. 

"I know," Leah says soothingly, "I wasn't asking you to fix it I'm aware this is my problem to fix."

"Maybe it's not a problem," Jordan squeaks softly wondering how she went from perfectly happy to feeling miserable in a couple of seconds. 

"No, it is a problem Jordan cause I love you, I love you to bits," Leah says reassuringly. 

"Still, it might be because you aren't gay you know that would explain why you don’t have fantasies about me," Jordan says deciding to open up her deepest fears to her loving girlfriend. 

Leah gasps in shock at her girlfriend's words before pushing herself forward. Jordan yelps as suddenly she is forced down to her back on the sofa with a pyjama clad Leah lying directly on top of her. The close contact makes Jordan blush and feel very loved as Leah cuddles herself against Jordan's small frame. She gets a kiss on the chin from Leah who is staring directly at Jordan who melts instantly under contact of those eyes. Leah might be putting on a fierce stare, the kind she gives to oppression strikers but to Jordan those eyes shine so brightly at her she feels stupid for ever thinking Leah was only with her for pity. 

"I am gay Jordan, I am so gay for you," Leah says firmly before capturing Jordan's lips. 

If the kiss in the car was good this one blows Jordan's mind. She cannot believe her luck in some ways, the beautiful and talented Leah Williamson is lying on top of her, kissing her so hard Jordan is worried they will be tasting each other's lip gloss for days afterwards. Not that Jordan would ever complain about tasting nothing but Leah on her lips. The kiss keeps going and Jordan opens her eyes a little to see Leah still lost in the moment. Moaning into her girlfriend's mouth Jordan wraps her arms around Leah determined to keep this moment going for as long as she can. Mentally Jordan files away this kiss as proof that Leah can be passionate about her as this is not the kiss of some boring middle-aged accountant. This is a passion filled snog that makes Jordan's toes curl and her whole body hum with pleasure. Finally running out of air Leah breaks the kiss and looks down at Jordan with a mix of surprise and lust on her face. 

"Can we erm go to bed now?" Leah asks looking a little surprised at herself for almost snogging Jordan's lips off her face. 

"Only if you promise to finish what you started here," Jordan replies softly. 

Leah nods and pulls herself off the sofa taking Jordan by the hand leading her towards the stairs. The full cups of tea are left sitting on the table undrunk for the best possible reasons before the noises upstairs drown out the sounds from the TV.


	3. Full Back Sex Therapy

On a scale of 1 to 10 of how happy she is Jordan would say the last week ranked at a high 150. The aftermath of the party and the declaration of love in the car followed by Leah kissing her on the coach and ending the night curled up naked in bed has Jordan feeling on top of the world. Leah might think she is a boring person with no sexual fantasies but the things she did to Jordan with her tongue that night have had the blonde midfielder walking on clouds all week. Everyone in the team has noticed Jordan's ultra-cheery mood and have teased both her and Leah about the fact Jordan is clearly still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship despite them having been together for a couple of years now. Jordan sending flowers to Leah the other day didn't help either, but Jordan is more than happy to suffer a bit of locker room embarrassment to show her amazing girlfriend how much she loved her. Jordan thinks all this as she sits in the training ground gym alone with her own happy thoughts. 

"Daydreaming, are we?" A loud giggling voice says behind Jordan making her jump. 

She looks round and sees the smiling face of Arsenal's Irish left back Katie McCabe standing right behind her. 

"Sorry Katie I was miles away," Jordan apologizes trying not to blush. 

"You've been doing that a lot this week Jords," Katie says smartly taking a seat on the workout bench next to Jordan. 

"Have I?" Jordan asks trying to sound innocent. 

Katie nods with her big beaming grin just getting wider, "Yep you have been almost infuriatingly happy every single training session even the really tough ones nothing has stopped you grinning like a clown."

Jordan shrugs her shoulders trying not to giggle like an over excited schoolgirl. 

"Hey don't be embarrassed by it girl, it's great seeing you with a massive smile on your face," Katie says putting her hand caringly on Jordan's shoulder. 

"Ta Katie just can't help it things are going really well you know," Jordan replies being cautious not wanting to gush about how amazingly good she feels about Leah and their relationship. 

"Awwww still madly in love with our dull little centre back?" Katie chuckles at Jordan. 

"She's not boring," Jordan quickly snaps then gasps in shock looking nervously at Katie. 

"Calm down was only a joke," Katie smiles then her expression becomes serious, "Everything alright Jordan?" 

Jordan nervously bites down on the inside of her lip, she didn't mean to snap at Katie. Her girlfriend being quite plain and boring is a known inside joke of the whole squad and even Leah herself jokes on it. For all her model like looks Leah is a plain meals no spices, no glamour kind of girl and everyone adores her for it. The fact wanting to be an accountant or the fact you never see her in gossip mags or falling drunk out of bars is why joking about her being more like a middle aged woman than a stunning sexy football star is never not funny. Seeing Leah and meeting Leah are two very different things, every new girl that comes to Arsenal assume pretty Leah is a bratty girly girl so it's always a nice shock to find she is down to earth and doesn’t take herself seriously. So why did Jordan get all catty with Katie now just for repeating a joke that even Leah finds funny? Jordan frowns to herself, maybe the joke is less funny now she knows Leah's inner worries about being a boring girlfriend. Something about not having any sexual fantasies has made Leah doubt herself in a way Jordan has never seen before. The serious look Katie is giving her too makes Jordan wonder how much of her personal life she could tell to the Arsenal squad's loudest gossip. 

"Um well you know that party we had last week?" Jordan says suddenly realizing Katie was the person there at the start of Leah's self-doubt over her sexual fantasies. 

"Yeah, what about it?" Katie asks softly putting her hand on Jordan's leg rubbing it softly to comfort the other girl. 

"Well as we were going home Leah mentioned you guys were playing truth or dare and one of the questions got to her," Jordan slowly explains. 

"Oh really?" Katie says in surprise, "I don't remember upsetting Leah in that, she was game for pretty much every question," Katie responds sounding confused. 

Jordan can't tell if Katie is lying to her or she legit doesn't know about the internal crisis she caused her girlfriend. 

"Well Leah said there was a thing about sexual fantasies, and that she couldn't answer," Jordan mutters looking at the ground rather than look into Katie's eyes. 

"Oh," Katie answers in surprise before getting lost deep in thought before replying, "I honestly can't remember if Leah answered, we were all too busy laughing at Jill for hers. 

Somewhere deep in her mind Jordan kicks herself and curses out her beautiful blonde girlfriend. Of course, Leah worries about something that no one else even noticed although if Jordan is honest with herself it sounds more like one of her reactions than Leah's. Jordan's mind flashes back to her first full England camp where she was convinced the girls were talking about her behind her back saying she wasn't good enough to play for England. Of course, at the end of the camp turns out they were discussing her behind her back only it was about how awesome she was and how good of a player she was gonna be for the future of English football. They even threw her a little party too making all of Jordan's self-doubt filled nights of crying in her sleep seem pointless. Jordan clearly remembers her tears from that day and all the hugs she got as the whole squad ate cake and Jordan remembers that she’s never told Leah that story. Blinking in surprise at how alike her and Leah are mentally Jordan turns and pulls Katie into a hug. 

"Whoa ok I'm super confused now," Katie laughs but accepts the warm hug from Jordan. 

"Sorry it's just Leah got so down on herself and I thought you like called her out about it and teased her," Jordan explains breaking the hug. 

Katie pretends to pout, "I would never make fun of anyone like that I love Leah and I love you too." 

"Good," Jordan says deciding to make light of the situation, "Cause if you had upset my girl, I would have had to kick your arse."

Katie loudly howls with laughter at Jordan who can't help but giggle back. The laughter of the two girls echoes around the empty training gym before Katie stops and looks at Jordan worried. 

"Leah doesn’t think I teased her does she?" Katie asks nervously. 

Jordan shakes her head, "No Katie she was just worried about me and how I would react you know but we talked it out." 

"Did you tell her to keep her kinky side to herself," Katie jokes and Jordan can't help but widen her eyes in shock. 

"Oh, sorry Jordan didn't mean to you know none of my fucking business like," Katie quickly apologizes but Jordan shakes her head. 

"It's fine Katie trust me if Leah came out with something too wild and kinky, I would have come to you for advice," Jordan says with a smile. 

"Why me?" Katie asks pretending to be offended even though her smile is wider than Jordan’s cheeky grin. 

"You know why tramp," Jordan giggles knowing Katie's sexual prowess is the inside joke the squad use on their talented left back. 

"Jordan Nobbs how dare you accuse me of being some bed hopping tramp I'll have you know sometimes I'm so good the girl with me can't even make to the bed," Katie teases with a dramatic wink. 

Jordan puts her hands over her mouth but that still doesn't stop her snorting with laughter. Katie's reputation is inflated but still Jordan remembers something Lisa told her about confiding in Katie at one point. Jordan doesn't think it will hurt to ask for some advice, now that she knows this is all a crisis inside Leah's head she would love to know how to stop it from happening again. 

"Katie do you think it's weird Leah doesn't have any sexual fantasies?" Jordan asks nervously. 

Katie pauses for a second clearly thinking hard on an answer, "What do you mean by no sexual fantasies?" Katie asks carefully. 

"I mean she doesn't think of naughty things like ever," Jordan says trying to explain her situation. 

"You mean you guys have never had sex?" Katie ducks her head down and whispers. 

"No, no, no we do have sex," Jordan quickly answers then blushes at her own eagerness to answer Katie's question. 

"It's just she doesn't think about me in that way or anyone I think," Jordan frowns when she realises, she doesn't know if Leah thinks about other people. 

"Oh God Jordan, that sounds so bad, but you know she loves you I'm sure it's not on purpose," Katie says kindly taking hold of Jordan's hand. 

"I know well mostly l know I guess but it doesn't matter really I didn't fall for Leah cause she was some dirty minded pervert," Jordan finishes with a weak smile as lots of ideas are bouncing around inside her head. 

Katie flashes one of trademark big beaming smiles at the midfielder, "I gotta admit I never really had Leah down as some kind of bedroom freak." 

"Oi don't think about my girl like that," Jordan playfully teases slapping Katie's arm. 

That makes Katie smirk too as she holds her hands up in mock surrender before reaching out and taking Jordan’s hand again. 

"I'm glad this isn't upsetting you Jordan cause you fucking know you are a stone cold hottie that could take anyone in that dressing room if you wanted," Katie says confidently. 

That makes Jordan blush, but she knows Katie is trying to convince her that she isn't the reason her girlfriend doesn't have any sexual fantasies. Jordan really doesn't want to believe she is the cause for Leah's self-doubts about being a good girlfriend. She thinks she is starting to get through to Leah now though, the last week or so Jordan thinks Leah is finally starting to understand how much she wants this and how much Jordan wants to be in a relationship with her. 

"Have you ever you know talked about your fantasies with her?" Katie asks suddenly snapping Jordan out of her own thoughts. 

"Oh what? No, never," Jordan sputters feeling slightly embarrassed. 

"Well, I dunno maybe that would be a good place to start," Katie shrugs not wanting to demand her friend to do it as Katie knows from experience advice works better when it is presented just as advice. 

"I dunno," Jordan pouts with a slight blush appearing on her cheeks. 

"Don't start with like the super kinky stuff though," Katie jokes, "Leave the bondage chains and leather strap on’s for more advanced lessons." 

"KATIE!" Jordan squeals in a scandalized tone of voice pushing her friend in the shoulder. 

Cackling at her embarrassed friend Katie pushes back on Jordan's shoulder, "Come on Nobbs I know under that girl next door smile there is some kinky thoughts going on," The Irish full back teases. 

"I am not dignifying that with an answer," Jordan playfully pouts folding her arms making Katie giggle. 

"I mean it though Jordan maybe she just needs showing a few things you know to get her going like Lisa did with Viv," Katie explains then groans slapping her hands across her mouth. 

Jordan can't help but roll her eyes, the shocked and embarrassed look on Katie's face shows she clearly spilled a secret. This isn't really a surprise as Katie just can't help but gossip though it does make Jordan nervous that Katie might spill her and Leah's personal info. 

"I wasn't meant to say that" Katie says with a slight blush in her cheeks, "But you do sound a lot like Lisa when she started dating Viv." 

"Really?" Jordan asks curiously surprised a perfect couple like Lisa and Viv would ever need to ask for advice. 

"Yeah, well Viv is kinda shy anyway she was even more shy about sex and that worried Lisa a lot," Katie explains smiling at the memory of a super shy Viv freaking out over sleeping with Lisa. 

"And you found a way to help her?" Jordan asks unable to prevent herself being curious. 

"I didn't help much most of it was Lisa's thinking I was just a sounding board," Katie says modestly shrugging her shoulders at Jordan. 

"So, you aren't the famous football couple sex therapist I have heard so many good things about?" Jordan jokes getting another laugh out of Katie. 

"I don't know about that," Katie chuckles, "You would have to ask Lisa how much of an impact I had."

Jordan pauses and thinks hard for a second scrunching her face up in concentration. 

"Do you think I could talk to Lisa about it?" Jordan asks softly. 

"Of course, yeah you know anyone on the team would wanna help you guys out Jordan," Katie beams making Jordan smile in response. 

"Thanks Katie it's been good just talking to someone about this," Jordan admits feeling good about voicing some of her worries to a mutual friend. 

"Anytime girl you know that" Katie replies pulling Jordan in for a hug as the door to the gym opens behind them. 

Jordan looks up from the hug to see her girlfriend standing by the door with a casual smile on her face. 

"Hey guys," Leah says as Katie and her girlfriend break their hug, "Sorry to interrupt but I'm ready to head home." 

"No problem Leah you aren't breaking up anything," Katie says jumping to her feet flashing her big smile at the younger defender.

"No please you can keep and hug her all you want Katie, gets on my wick how she always wants a cuddle," Leah jokes. 

"I don't blame her, you are the cuddliest defender ever," Katie teases walking up to Leah with her arms outstretched. 

The blonde rolls her eyes but steps into the hug and beams at Jordan as Katie leans up to wrap her arms around the taller defender. 

"You are amazing you know, that right?" Katie whispers into Leah's ear, "You are one of my favs and I'd never wanna say anything to hurt you." 

Leah arches her eyebrow in confusion but before she can ask Katie why she would say that to her the left back has already broken the hug and is walking out the gym. Katie waves goodbye to Jordan as she walks out the door and Leah suddenly gets suspicious. 

"What was that all about?" Leah asks her girlfriend who just shrugs. 

"What was what about babe?" Jordan asks wondering what Leah is thinking. 

"Why did Katie whisper to me that I'm amazing and she would never ever wanna mock me in a way that hurts me?" Leah asks and her girlfriend's eyes go wide. 

"Um er we were just talking about the party last week and you know I was worried she was picking on you," Jordan mumbles feeling a little ashamed. 

"Jordan," Leah whines, "I told you Katie never said anything about it." 

"I know but I just had to make sure," Jordan shrugs trying to be casual, but it does sound bad the way Leah puts it. 

Jordan tries not to look up as she hears Leah walking towards her. After such a good week this is really going to be a come down for Jordan if her and Leah have a row now. 

"Were you gonna kick her ass if she did mock me?" Leah asks gently. 

"Of course, I was," Jordan says looking up and smiling at Leah who breaks out into giggles. 

"Katie would crush you babe," Leah smirks before pulling her smaller girlfriend into a hug. 

"No, she wouldn't well tough I am," Jordan giggles before pressing herself into Leah. 

Nothing feels better than this for Jordan right now being hugged tightly by Leah. 

"Are you upset I talked to Katie?" Jordan asks softly looking up at Leah. 

She watches Leah's expression go from a smile to a serious frown then back into a grin. 

"Course not Jordan I get why you wanted to know but trust me Katie is great, I only feel bad about me not thinking about you like I should," Leah admits letting out a deep sigh as Jordan holds her tighter. 

"Oh, babe please don't feel bad never feel bad around me," Jordan begs slightly. 

"I never ever feel bad around you Jordan," Leah admits kissing Jordan on the top of her head. 

Jordan bites her lip and nods not trusting herself to speak without breaking down in tears. Her arms squeeze firmly into the hug hoping Leah understands how much hearing that meant to her. Leah seems to understand as she gives Jordan another kiss on the head before leading her girlfriend out of the gym. 

"Ready to go home?" Leah asks and Jordan nods letting Leah lead her through the training ground complex. 

Jordan has a lot to think about as Leah walks towards the car park. She thinks about what Katie said and wonders if she can talk to Lisa about this. Jordan doesn't even know if it is a problem anymore, Leah is always gonna worry but it sounds like she accepts how much Jordan loves her and of course hearing Leah declare how much she loves and needs her always makes Jordan feel good. Leah takes her hand as they walk up to their car and Jordan finds she doesn't care if Leah never thinks about shagging her in the back seat while they are here at work, she loves her Leah just the way she is. 

"Love you," Jordan purrs lifting herself up to kiss Leah on the cheek hoping she will always get chances to show Leah how much she loves her.


	4. Chapter 4 Bestie Advice

Chapter 4 Bestie Advice

Leah groans, blinking heavily and looking away from her laptop screen. She is almost done with a tricky piece of coursework for her accountancy degree but it's still hard work and she needs a break. Taking a deep breath Leah closes her eyes and listens out for the sounds in her apartment. Her place isn't as peaceful and quiet as she thought however as she can hear her girlfriend talking loudly on the phone. Jordan must be talking to her mother Leah thinks because Jordan is chattering at 100 words a minute in her thickest Geordie accent. Leah struggles to understand a single word coming out of Jordan's mouth when she goes full Northern. It is fair though as Jordan can't understand her and her mum either when they go full Cockney. The only word Leah can understand from Jordan's fast Northern chatter is her own name and it's said a lot. The blonde blushes at the thought of Jordan talking about her to her mother, she has met Jordan's mum several times before but still gives her a sense of pride to be talked about as Jordan's girlfriend. Before that loving thought can continue that one line of self-doubt that has been bugging Leah for weeks whispers into her sub conscious making the blonde wince. 

_She is so good to you and yet you can't even muster up a single sexual fantasy about her_

Leah groans and puts her head in her hands, it shouldn't be such a big deal Jordan herself said it doesn't matter to her. Nothing Jordan says however will stop the doubt inside Leah's mind about how bad of a girlfriend she is. It's pathetic she loves Jordan so much yet can't even think of one cute naughty fantasy to show her how much she loves her. The other line of self-doubt echoes inside Leah's worried mind now the one spoken by her own loving girlfriend. 

_I dunno maybe you are not gay Lee that would explain it_

Leah could cry just from that line alone, she knows she is gay, she knows she loves Jordan. That night after she said it Leah tried so hard to prove to Jordan that she sexually wanted her. It was so good easily the best sex of her life just being between Jordan's legs watching that face melt in pleasure as she licked her over and over again. Making Jordan cum made Leah feel amazing but still didn't help her, she liked it, but she didn't think about doing it. Leah again found herself wondering if she was at least part asexual, a term she only learnt a few years ago but seemed to fit her mindset about sex. No, Leah shakes her head again she had been down this road before, she loved having sex with Jordan. Every time Jordan touches her naked body makes Leah want nothing else for the rest of her life. She loves pleasuring Jordan too, touching her and making love to her like the other night. Outside the bedroom however not a single sinful sexual thought enters Leah's brain and it’s giving her the kind of inner crisis she hasn’t had since she first broke into the Arsenal team and was convinced she wasn’t good enough to be there. 

_Body of a goddess, mindset of a geek_

Leah can't remember the name or even the face of the boy that said that to her at school. The emotions of how she felt after that however she can still remember, just thinking about those harsh words brings tears to her eyes. Harshly Leah wonders how Jordan can even stand to be with her when she is like this. Being beautiful comes with a certain set of standards and expectations that Leah is nowhere close to hitting. She doesn't act like the pretty girl because all her life Leah has been a nerdy awkward girl trapped in a stunning body. Leah is used to the surprise people get meeting her for the first time finding out she knows more about Harry Potter than about the best clubs in London. It's what she loves about Jordan, she loves that Jordan is happy to be curled up on the sofa watching the Lord of the Rings than out making headlines or being some career Instagram model. Jordan's giggle echoes close behind Leah and the blonde quickly wipes a tear away and pretends to read one of her textbooks. She really doesn't want Jordan to see her mentally worrying again, her girlfriend has been stupidly happy all week and Leah doesn't want to spoil it. 

_You are such a little baby, she is older with more experience and one day she is gonna get sick of always dealing with your insecurities_

Even her own inner monologue is tormenting her now making Leah think the worst of herself. Suddenly a hand out of nowhere presses against Leah's back and her whole body relaxes. All the young defender's negative thoughts melt away with Jordan's soft hand on her back. Purring from the contact Leah looks around and grins up at Jordan who matches her pleased expression. 

"Yeah, mum Leah is just here, wanna say hi? Jordan asks before pushing her phone out at Leah. 

"Hiya Kerry," Leah says sweetly down the phone as an even stronger Geordie accent answers back. 

"Alright Leah how you doing love? Jordan said you were studying yeah?" Kerry Nobbs asks and Leah can't help but beam. 

"Yeah I am almost done my coursework now, two weeks ahead of schedule," Leah proudly responds as Jordan lovingly rubs at her bare skin of her neck. 

"That's amazing love I've been telling Jordan she needs to be organised like you," Kerry says making Leah laugh as Jordan blushes. 

"Mum," Jordan squeaks pulling the phone away from Leah's giggling face, "You can't compare me to her, Leah is such a swot." 

Leah pouts and sticks her tongue out at Jordan for the childish insult. Jordan laughs it off then walks away loudly chatting to her mum. Hugging herself Leah can't wipe the stupid smile off her face, just having Jordan around her makes her feel good. She wishes she could bottle up this feeling and keep it with her for all the time for when she is feeling low. Jordan really gives her everything Leah has ever wanted in a relationship, she is kind, funny and just feels like she is always on Leah's wavelength. Leah has no idea how she could find someone so perfectly matched for her but she is so grateful for it. Reaching over Leah picks up her phone and checks her diet schedule because she wants to see if she and Jordan can have a cheat day today. In Leah's mind she wants to order a takeaway to eat in, she would love to be able to cook some kind of romantic meal for her girlfriend, but her culinary skills just barely allow her to make a couple of basic meals. Jordan can cook cause of course she can on top of every other perfect thing she can do for Leah. The blonde feels a little sorry for herself as she picks up her phone and is distracted by the notification of a text message. 

Everything good L? Not heard from you in a bit reads the next from Leah's best friend Keira Walsh. 

Yeah, everything is fine, Leah texts back quickly. 

You sure? Come the text back and Leah just has to laugh. 

She is two months older than Keira, yet Keira has always been in the role of overprotective big sister. Leah doesn't mind her best friend doing that as she wouldn't be where she is today without Keira. Pausing Leah wonders if she should tell her bestie about her problems, she knows Keira wouldn't give her bad advice. She would tease her about it, but Keira has always been a joker and she is never nasty in the way she messes with Leah. 

Nothing major just feeling a bit down at the moment, Leah texts back already feeling a little better just by typing it. 

First part of the problem is admitting you have one Leah thinks to herself. Admittedly the problem she has isn't a major one to anyone but for Leah it feels big because she wants to be the best for Jordan. She wants to be as amazing a girlfriend as Jordan is for her and even though Jordan would never pressure her to being anything but herself Leah can't help but feel selfish.

Can't you just lean on Jordan for more cuddle time? Keira replies and Leah's phone screen gets covered in kissy face emojis. 

Leah laughs out loud, she almost forgot what a romantic Keira was at heart. After years of telling Leah to ask Jordan out no one cried more when the two blondes got together than Keira, she cried about it more than Leah's mum did. No one was more supportive of Leah being with Jordan than Keira but that doesn't mean she is the best person to go to for advice. Leah doesn't even know how she could put all her doubts and worries about not thinking dirty thoughts about Jordan into a text. 

Can I ask a super personal question? Leah texts back pouting with worry. 

She waits a couple of minutes nervously tapping at her blank phone screen before the text notification sounds rings. 

Course you can Lee always, is it about Jordan? The text asks and Leah can almost hear Keira's worried tone through the message. 

Well yeah but it's not a big issue to her but it is to me Leah types before frowning at how confusing that text reads 

Maybe this problem is just only in her head and it's not a big deal. Jordan has said multiple times she doesn't care if Leah isn't daydreaming naughty thoughts about her and Leah really does believes that. 

Lee come on girl what's bugging you? Comes the next text from Keira. 

Taking a deep breath Leah decides to just go for it and write down her biggest problem.

I don't have any sexual fantasies about Jordan, Leah types then hits send before she can change her mind. 

Minutes pass with no reply and that only makes Leah even more nervous. She squeezes tightly on her phone while her leg bounces up and down trying to dispel all the blonde's nervous energy. Jordan is still talking to her mum in the other room and Leah wonders if she has pushed her friendship with Keira too far. Her phone bleeps loudly having got a fresh text and Leah almost drops it on the floor in panicked relief. 

What do you mean no sexual fantasies Leah? Is the simple question from Keira. 

Leah is not nervous to respond now as her fingers type away quickly on the touchscreen. Now that she has opened Pandora's box she might as well stick with it. 

I mean when we are not in bed together, I don't think about her in a sexual way at all Keira and I don't know why, Leah writes then sends the text but frowns and starts typing a new message. 

You know when we watched that Avengers film during the World Cup and you said you could picture Scarlett Witch's lips being able to do all naughty things to you well, I don't have thoughts like that about Jordan or fucking Scarlett Witch for that matter I've never had a fantasy like that. 

Leah lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding in and slumps back into the chair. She has never felt so nervous before even before an exam or a big cup final. Leah has never openly talked about her lack of sexual attraction to anyone not even her mother. She always thought she just wasn't as creative as other people to come up with sexual fantasies. The one Keira had about Scarlett Witch had Leah laughing for hours, Leah would have never thought of anything like that about another girl, but it never used to bother her. She can't help that feel like something is wrong with her for not having sexual thoughts about Jordan. Leah is quite sure that any other girl lucky enough to date Jordan would never stop having fantasies about her and why wouldn't they Jordan is perfect. Jumping at the noise Leah looks down and sees that her phone had lit up with a new text. 

Lee is ok to call? I don't think I can do this over text is Keira's response. 

Leah gets up from her desk and goes over to the small balcony just past the kitchen. She takes a seat on a cushion and leans against the open glass door and takes a second to bathe in the warm afternoon air. Taking a deep breath Leah hits call on her phone and after only a few seconds of dial tone Keira answers. 

"Oh my God Lee I had no idea you didn't think about things and Oh you shouldn't feel bad I'm sure Jordan doesn't worry and she loves you and I never wanted to make you feel bad and I just feel," Keira quickly and loudly rambles down the line. 

Leah can't help but giggle at her over enthusiastic friend. 

"Keira take a breath," Leah chuckles trying to get a word in to the conversation. 

"Sorry just I wish you would have told me sooner," Keira says sweetly. 

"Oh God you would make me watch tons of porn, wouldn't you?" Leah replies half gagging at the thought. 

"Ha ha ha ha no Lee I wouldn't do that," Keira laughs down the phone, "Would be so awkward if we did that together."

"Super awkward," Leah agrees, "Never ever watched any porn so would be even worse." 

She can hear Keira tut but Leah refuses to be baited. Leah doesn't believe her issue can be fixed just by watching a couple of porn movies. The one thing Leah knows for certain is that there is no easy fix for her beyond mind swapping with a perverted mind. 

"Does Jordan know about this," Keira's voice asks softly. 

"Yeah, but she says it isn't a big deal," Leah replies and Keira giggles. 

"Typical," Keira says before adding, "That girl loves you Lee no matter what, she loves you for you." 

"What if me being me isn't enough?" Leah replies in a sad tone. 

"Leah!" Keira whines so loud Leah can practically hear the taller girl pouting over the phone. 

"Look I love you right and that's cause you never try and be something you are not," Keira starts to explain. 

"Everyone and I mean everyone was waiting for all this attention to go to your head, anyone who meets us turns to me to ask if you are ego driven or think you are better than other girls cause of your looks and I tell them you are the most down to earth girl ever," Keira says firmly talking fast so Leah can't butt in. 

"I love you for that and Jordan loves you that way too, in fact she loves you way more than I ever could so imagine how she feels about how awesome you are," Keira says finally stopping when she hears a little sob down the phone. 

"Oh, don't cry Lee," Keira whispers and the soft sob is soon replaced with a girly giggle. 

"You know that's the nicest thing you ever said about me," Leah teases lightly as she wipes a tear from her cheek. 

"What about the time I said you took better penalties than me?" Keira asks happy to hear some teasing from her worried bestie. 

"Oh yeah that too thanks Keira I needed to hear that," Leah admits truthfully. 

"Any time Lee you know that we always have each other’s back," Keira reminds her. 

Leah nods to herself remembering all the times she was there for Keira when she didn't feel good. The blonde lost track of the number of times she had to enforce to Keira that she is good looking and deserves all the attention for being the centre piece in the midfield for both club and country. 

"Speaking of which I could use a bit of a pep up too if you’re feeling better," Keira says breaking up Leah's thoughts. 

"Sure, what do you need?" Leah asks happy to hear the cheer back in her own voice. 

"What should I wear for my date tonight?" Keira asks and Leah chuckles at the unwarranted nerves in her best friend's voice. 

"Babe you could turn up in your tracksuit and she would be all over you," Leah laughs but Keira doesn't. 

"I mean it Leah I've been shuffling through outfits since we been talking and I still have no idea what to wear," Keira moans. 

Another memory flashes through Leah's mind of a younger Keira turning her nose up at wearing a dress for her school's prom. Leah never understood that attitude in girls, the real tomboy ones seem to be almost physically allergic to being even near a dress. Even though Leah is happy to class herself as a tomboy she's always enjoyed looking fashionable and being girly but she seems to be a little unique in that regard. Jordan and Keira are two of the worst examples Leah has of girls that seem to just melt in fear at the thought of wearing girlish clothes. 

"You still got that red leather skirt we picked up once?" Leah asks casually smirking at how much this conversation will be awkward for Keira. 

"Leah I play for Man City, I can't wear red," Keira whines and Leah rolls her eyes at her friend’s weak excuse. 

"Look you wanted my advice and in my humble super awesome and down to earth opinion," Leah says stopping for a moment to allow her best friend to snort with laughter, "I'd wear a skirt tonight, have her staring at your legs all night long." 

"Sounds like you have no trouble fantasizing about me," Keira grumbles making Leah snort with laughter. 

"God Keira, I meant you had pretty legs don't go saying," Leah starts to say but Keira butts in. 

"Relax Lee I was messing ok, I get you don't look at girls that way," Keira says quickly. 

"You think I should?" Leah asks softly. 

"Have you ever tried?" Comes Keira's quick response. 

"What do you mean?" Leah fires back as she hears something drop on Keira's end of the call. 

"Have you ever actually looked at a girl in a pervy way?" Keira questions thinking she already knows the answer to her own question. 

"A pervy way? What is a pervy way to look at someone Miss Walsh?" Leah teases. 

"Erm ok hang on a sec," Keira says as the phone moves away from her mouth and all Leah can hear is rustling sounds. 

Leah frowns and wonders what her best friend is doing when a soft breath tickles her ear. 

"Cup of tea?" Jordan whispers and Leah swears the hair on the back of her neck stands on end. 

"Yeah sure," Leah stutters tilting her head sideways to look Jordan in the eyes. 

Her girlfriend beams a big bright smile at her and Leah feels her brain empty of thoughts. It's not fair she thinks Jordan is so pretty I can't think anything when she is around. Jordan giggles at the slightly vacant look on her girlfriend's face and plants a small kiss on her forehead before pointing at her phone. 

"Keira needs fashion advice for her date," Leah responds to Jordan's unasked question. 

"You should charge for giving fashion advice to other girls," Jordan beams before turning towards the kitchen. 

Leah wonders if that was a cue to say something witty about wanting to undress Jordan. The moment is gone before Leah's brain even starts building a proper sentence and the blonde huffs gently through her teeth. Keira is right, Jordan does love her for being her, but Leah wants more than that she wants to be everything for Jordan. 

"Sent you a pic," comes Keira's voice in her other ear, "Be honest now I can handle it." 

Leah pulls her phone down and flicks through her text box to see the freshly sent picture. She enlarges a shot of Keira's legs sat crossed in her bed wearing a little green zip up skirt Leah doesn't remember ever seeing before. 

"That's perfect Keira," Leah gushes happily, "You look so good in that skirt, where did you even get it?" 

"Mum got it us in a sale," Keira says bashfully and Leah can guess the brunette's cheeks are glowing red. 

"Man, your mum has your back mate it looks so good on you," Leah encourages. 

"Thanks Lee, so back to your problem," Keira says quickly switching tones from nervous to excited.

"No Keira I'm good now don't worry about it," Leah mumbles looking to her right at Jordan happily humming around their kitchen.

"Wait a second, not trying to fix you just trying to understand the Williamson mindset," Keira explains making Leah sigh. 

"Ok go ahead," Leah sighs knowing her best friend won't drop this. 

"So the picture I sent you, I'm guessing the things you thought about was just about how nice the skirt looked and how it shows off my legs and crap like that right?" Keira asks. 

"What are you getting at Keira?" Leah asks, "You saying I should be thinking dirtier about my best friend's legs?" 

"No well yeah kinda," Keira stutters, "I'm saying if I sent that to Lucy I would be getting some different comments." 

"I bet you would," Leah replies before she can stop herself. 

Keira chuckles, "Alright yeah fine bad example but you see my point right Lucy sees all the things she could do to me in bed just from looking at me." 

"You saying I need to look more?" Leah asks wondering how she could look at Jordan anymore than she already does. 

"I mean look at her when she's you know showing her body a little more," Keira says slowly and Leah laughs. 

"She doesn't show off like you Keira," Leah giggles at her best friend. 

"She doesn't have too, I don't show off for Lucy much doesn't stop her talking about how distracting it is when I bend over in training," Keira admits. 

"Keira!" Leah whines not wanting to think about how much her fellow England colleague is a perv. 

"What? Perfectly natural thing to do," Keira says defensively. 

"Oh yeah and I'm totally sure you aren't just wandering round training with your arse hanging out," Leah teases and she can almost hear Keira blush over the phone. 

"I'm no girl tease Lee, I'm just saying maybe to get some naughty ideas you need to see Jordan in some naughty situations," Keira explains. 

Leah sighs, that does sound quite sensible even from her best friend. Tilting her head right Leah looks towards the kitchen at Jordan. Humming to herself Jordan is busy pulling out the tea mugs and keeping an eye on the kettle. She is wearing a Nike logo red shirt and a pair of England training shorts she kept from camp. The scene feels so laid back and domestic Leah wonders how she is ever meant to think about Jordan in a sexy way. In the back of her mind Leah hears a voice not unlike Keira's sharp accent telling her that she should wanna bend Jordan over the kitchen counter. The thought makes Leah shudder, she can't do that, she isn't good enough with girls to do that. Jordan is her first big adult relationship; Leah never dated another girl long enough to get into the smut phase. Leah sighs again, she feels like she is missing a big piece of data on having a girlfriend and it makes her feel incomplete. 

"Lee you ok love?" Keira's concerned voice asks. 

"Yeah, just do you really think it would work?" Leah asks nervously. 

"Would what work?" Keira replies confused. 

"Looking at her like Lucy looks at you," Leah says timidly. 

"I dunno Leah I really don't but what I do know is you love each other both like crazy," Keira says making Leah smile. 

"And if nothing else kinda sweet that you aren’t some little perv," Keira teases, "People used to wonder all the time in the under 18's if were dating and I did wonder if you were ever looking at me in a naughty way during team showers."

"Ewwwwww gross," Leah splutters as Keira chuckles down the line. 

"Good cause I wouldn't know what to do with you if you looked at me the way you look at Jordan," Keira admits when she stops giggling. 

"Thanks Keira sorry to have bothered you with all this," Leah says softly making Keira laugh again. 

"That's what I'm here for Lee, ok relax yourself you can tell me anything you know that," Keira says. 

"Yeah, yeah ok now go get ready for your hot date," Leah chuckles feeling relived she talked it out with Keira. 

"If you still need sex tips, I could text you later with a blow-by-blow account of how my date ends," Keira jokes. 

"Fuck off," Leah replies rolling her eyes at her best mate's teasing. 

"I'm happy to send audio files too, really hear what a sex goddess I am," Keira says before giggling at her own joke. 

"Oh God don't you fucking dare," Leah groans knowing Keira does like to push her buttons at times. 

"Hah ha ha alright alright Lee hopefully speak again over the weekend?" Keira asks hopefully. 

"Yeah sure," Leah replies with a grin, "Now go get ready for your date sex goddess and remember to actually brush your hair," Leah teases and Keira snorts with laughter. 

"Yes mum," Keira taunts back, "have a good day Lee love ya," Keira says happily. 

"Love ya too bestie," Leah smiles as Keira hangs up. 

Leah puts her phone down to take a calming breath when an arm wraps over her shoulder. She doesn't even have to look around as Jordan smuggles a mug of tea into her free hands. 

"Everything good?" Jordan asks. 

"Yeah, she's fine, picked herself out a skirt and everything," Leah says proudly turning to look her girlfriend in the eyes. 

Jordan's face screws up for a second, "A skirt? You'd never catch me in one." 

"One day," Leah beams sniggering at her girlfriend's discomfort. 

"Not a chance Leah," Jordan grins taking a seat next to her girlfriend. 

Leah smiles and cuddles up next to her girlfriend enjoying the chill of the moment. 

"You'd look amazing in a skirt," Leah says breaking the silence after a sip of her tea. 

Jordan chuckles and rolls her eyes at Leah before squeezing herself tighter against Leah and Leah can't help but purr happily feeling her girlfriend cuddled up by her side like Jordan was made to fit there. She wants to drift off and enjoy the moment, but she still has Keira’s advice bouncing around inside her head. It couldn’t hurt really, Jordan certainly wouldn’t miss a chance to stare more and Leah wonder if maybe her problem is she just doesn’t ever look at Jordan enough to view her in a naughty sexy way. Leah isn’t convinced at her own line of thinking but again it won’t hurt anyone to just have some more glances at her girlfriend and see if that sparks her brain into life. She decides to try a little now looking down at a cuddling Jordan and focuses on her soft lips but instead of thinking of Jordan’s lips doing something dirty the first thought that hits Leah is how hard she fell for Jordan the first time she saw those lips mouth I love you at her. Leah rolls her own eyes and mentally laughs at herself for being such a big lovestruck softie at heart, it’s no bad thing though when she sees the face of the girl she loves more than anything else. Leaning over Leah presses a small kiss on Jordan’s forehead that makes the older girl purr softly and makes Leah think this is right where she belongs.


	5. The Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was going to be some smut in this, will happen at some point just enjoying writing the slow build and dealing with some self doubt issues that we all have

Chapter 5 The Test 

There are many things about Jordan Nobbs that annoy Leah. Her astonishing lack of memory drives the younger blonde up the wall at times and her sometimes endless nagging and chatter about football can get frustrating too. The biggest annoyance for Leah right now is that her beautiful girlfriend just won't bend over. It's been a whole week of training sessions and Leah hasn't caught Jordan in a compromising position once. Leah is beginning to wonder if she doesn't have sexual fantasies about Jordan because Jordan never does anything sexual. She slumps down onto the grass of the Arsenal training pitch and distracts herself with trying to open her water bottle. Leah is fully aware this is a self-made crisis of her own doing and it's pointless blaming Jordan. She has half a mind to blame Keira for getting this idea in her head, but she knows deep down her bestie was only trying to help. Leah takes a couple of deep breaths to try and calm herself down and get her mind back focusing on football. Arsenal have a big WSL game in a few days so she needs to be a good teammate and put all of her focus on that. 

Leah hears a chuckle over on her right and she looks round to see Danielle playing with Beth's hair. Part of Leah thinks about asking Dann for advice then quickly removes that dangerous line of thinking. Leah wants no part of sexual advice for Dann, she has seen first-hand all the love bites and bruises on Beth's body having been put there by the diminutive Dutch midfielder. Pouting Leah can't believe she can't shake this stupid thought out if her head. It doesn't matter if she doesn't have any sexual fantasies about Jordan, it really doesn't. They are happy together and that's what counts and it's not like their sex life suffers through Leah's lack of imagination. Breathing softly Leah shakes her head like she is trying to dismiss the negative thoughts out of her brain entirely. She needs to stop these random mental acts of self-sabotage if for no other reason than this sort of negative thinking might affect her performance on the pitch. 

The Everton game is big for Arsenal, 3 points and they go back into second place only 4 points behind the leaders. Leah is already stressing out about the crossing and aerial threat Everton pose, something she admits is a weakness of hers. In the current footballing climate Leah can't exactly go and practice headers in the same way as she works on her passing ability. The blonde lowers her head and tries to get some control and focus back, her thoughts are racing around at breakneck speed and Leah knows she needs to slow down before she stresses herself into a migraine. There is a shout that distracts Leah, and she looks up and sees a stray football rolling towards her girlfriend. She expects Jordan to stop it and kick it away while still sitting down but too her surprise Jordan gets up. One of the coaches calls out to her wanting the ball back and Leah's heart gets caught in her mouth as Jordan starts to lean over. 

This is it Leah thinks, shocked that this is actually happening and even more delighted that she is only a few feet away from her girlfriend. Jordan causally leans over and picks up the ball so Leah locks her eyes in on Jordan's bent over rear. She can see the outline of Jordan's firm muscly asscheeks sculping against the tight fabric of her workout shorts. Jordan lifts herself up and tosses the ball back with a friendly wave to the coach before sitting back on the grass chatting to Caitlin and Lia. That was it? Leah thinks, a weeklong wait of perving and all that happens is Jordan bent over and nothing happened. No bright sparks of fantasy, no hardcore erotic thoughts spilling out of her brain, Leah didn't even feel herself get turned on. She didn't feel anything but the thought that her girlfriend has a very nice-looking bum. Keira said it would be easy to just look and fantasize but clearly it isn't, Leah replays the fresh memory in her head but still can't think of anything better than Jordan has a nice bum. That's it isn't it Leah thinks to herself, she isn't turned on by Jordan. It must be the reason, how else could her girlfriend bend over a few feet away from her and she feel nothing sexually. She loves Jordan but what's the point if she looks at her girlfriend's body in the same manner she views everyone else like she is just seeing a nice frame with none of the excitement and fire others feel about their loved one. 

Leah feels hot, like all the team know what a sexless little freak she is. How they all talk about how Jordan deserves better, how Jordan needs a proper girlfriend who melts for her body not some shy little nerd who can't even call her girlfriend's body sexy. The overwhelming feeling of being pathetic and weak smashes into Leah before she has a chance to calm herself down. Before she knows it tears start to leak down her blushing red face and her breathing becomes erratic. Leah tries to focus and to calm herself down, so she doesn't make a scene in front of the whole squad. A hand then suddenly slaps on her shoulder and all of Leah's self-control flies out of the window. 

"Everything alright Lee?" Her centre back partner Jen Beattie asks looking Jordan in the eyes with a worried look on her face. 

"NOOOOO," Leah screams suddenly jumping to her feet and pushing Jen's hand away. 

She can feel everyone staring at her now and that just makes the tears flow faster. Leah can't think of anything else to do other than run away. She takes off moving as fast as she can blubbering like a wreck ignoring the concerned shouts of her teammates behind her. Leah sprints away with big fat tears flowing freely from her eyes. She just can't stop the tears from flowing as all her inadequate feelings bubble to the surface. Leah is almost out of breath by the time she reaches the training ground building. Yanking the door open she walks in panting and sobbing feeling even more stupid, ugly and unattractive than before. Leah hears some coaches chatting in the corridor further down so ducks into the nearest room to hide. 

Leah sees she is the rec room set up for the Arsenal players to sit and relax in. She knows she shouldn't be in a room where anyone can go but it's not like she knows where the nearest supply cupboard is. Leah walks into the far corner of the room and slumps down against the wall, sitting on the floor with her head in her hands Leah can still feel the hot tears running down her cheeks. She feels so angry with herself, why now? Why have a massive emotional breakdown over something that doesn't matter. Not having sexy thoughts about someone you love shouldn't just make you burst into tears Leah thinks. The worst part is she done it at training in front of all her friends and peers. Leah shudders wondering what they are all saying about her now. A prickle of fear runs down Leah's spine, what will the coaches think? They might think she has gone soft and doesn't have the right mentality to be a top star at Arsenal. 

She can't even tell the reason she just ran off crying. The manager Joe would just laugh and call her pathetic for breaking down in tears just for looking at her girlfriend's bum and not feeling aroused. Leah can't remember the last time she felt this hopeless and upset as she sobs into her hands. It feels like a dam has burst as every negative thought surfaces just to kick her as she's down. Leah could just curl up into a ball and disappear just to get away from these feelings of total self-despair. A soft warm hand softly touches her shoulder from out of nowhere making Leah flinch. 

"Babe?" Jordan asks in a shaking worried voice. 

Leah whimpers, things must be bad she has never heard Jordan sound so upset and scared. 

"Leah please look at me," Jordan says softly and Leah shakes her head. 

She keeps her face down and pressed into the soaked wet palms of her hand. 

"Leah come on please, if someone said something to upset you, I need to know," Jordan whispers supportively. 

"It wasn't anyone Jord, it was me it's always fucking me," Leah replies with a sob. 

Leah can feel Jordan's hand briefly stiffen against her shoulder. She wonders if Jordan is regretting being in a relationship which an emotionally immature girl like her. The hand gripping her shoulder squeezes tighter and Leah can feel her girlfriend slide down and sit right next to her. Leah feels her tears dry up as the closeness and warmth from Jordan fill her brain with a positive emotion to cling onto. 

"You can tell me anything Leah," Jordan whispers softly, "No one is mad or upset they are all really worried about you." 

"It's so stupid though," Leah mumbles into her hands. 

Even though her tears have stopped Leah can still feel the wetness on her face. She knows her whole face is boiling bright red too so stays covered up as Jordan starts rubbing up and down her arm. Jordan stops talking and lets the two of them sit in silence while Leah calms down. 

"It was the sex thing again," Leah says after a couple of minutes breaking the sense of calm and quiet around them. 

"Oh," Jordan replies in surprise. 

Leah feels like she can hear the rest of that sentence, oh this again huh Leah when will you learn you will never be sexually attracted to me? 

The unsettling thought makes Leah tilt her body over pressing her head onto Jordan's shoulder. 

"Hey, it's ok," Jordan whispers softly into Leah's ear. 

"No, it's not, I'm the worst," Leah mutters sadly into Jordan's clothed shoulder. 

"Oh Leah," Jordan purrs pulling her arm round the blonde and petting the back of Leah's head. 

"I've told you it doesn't matter, I know you love me, that sexy stuff doesn't count," Jordan says trying to reassure her girlfriend. 

"But I wanna think naughty sexy thoughts about you," Leah whines and Jordan can't help but smile.

Jordan leans down and kisses Leah on the head. She wishes she had the words to convince Leah that what she is worrying about doesn't matter. Jordan feels a little guilty herself as she thought this wasn't going to be a big issue anymore but clearly it is. Seeing her girlfriend randomly burst into tears then race away was one of the worst feelings in Jordan's whole life. She would rather lose a million penalty shootouts than see her beautiful girlfriend running away from her with tears in her eyes.

"Are you angry at me?" Leah asks in a soft worried tone. 

"Course not babe I'm just worried, everyone was worried no one ever seen you break down in tears like that," Jordan explains. 

Even wrapped up in a semi hug on the floor Jordan can feel Leah tense up when she mentioned crying.

"Were you really crying over the sex fantasy thing?" Jordan asks as delicately as she can. 

Leah whimpers in her grip but then nods before burying her face deeper into Jordan's shoulder blade. 

"It's ok Lee you don't have to explain it just you know I want you to always remember I love you," Jordan purrs softly stroking Leah's soft blonde hair. 

Leah gives another nod but keeps her messy tear wet face pressed into Jordan's shoulder. It almost isn't fair, she is screwing this up so much and still Jordan is here comforting her saying she loves her. That unworthy feeling builds up again but Leah just squeezes Jordan tighter until those feelings drift away to the back of her mind. All this mess over looking at Jordan's bum and not feeling anything, Leah is in no mood to tell Jordan why she ran away crying from training. She certainly doesn't want to think about the worry and damage she might have caused to her professional career by doing that. 

"Hey um before you er you know did this I was asking Lisa about coming out for dinner with us?" Jordan says nervously. 

"Oh, just Lisa?" Leah asks lifting her head up looking Jordan in the eyes for the first time since she walked in. 

"No Viv too couples night thing," Jordan smiles staring into Leah's wet eyes. 

Jordan reaches out and rubs a tear stain away from under Leah's red puffy eyes. Leah can’t describe how good it feels to see Jordan smile and feel her rubbing her messy face like this. The heat boiling her face seems to die away quickly and Leah is no longer breathing quickly and her sobs are a distance memory. 

"I mean if you don't wanna go cause of this I totally understand," Jordan stammers slightly. 

"No, I can go," Leah says softly, "This is on me Jordan this is my issue." 

Jordan sighs and hugs Leah closer, "You are my girlfriend baby it's my issue too." 

Leah doesn't know what to say to that and stays cuddled up in Jordan's arms. The tears have stopped, and Leah just stays curled up pressing her face into Jordan's body out of comfort. She hears the rec room door open and someone is talking to Jordan, but Leah isn't paying attention. Leah feels like the worst teammate in the world by running off and crying about something so stupid. She has worked so hard to get to this point so it can't all fall apart now just because of some bad thoughts in her head. 

"Lee," Jordan says nudging her, "Come on get up." 

"Why?" Leah asks suddenly wondering what punishment she might be facing for running away from training. 

"Joe says we can go home," Jordan says repeating the words of her captain Kim Little who just poked her head round the door to tell Jordan. 

"Have I fucked this all up?" Leah asks in a scared little voice. 

"No Lee of course not we just," Jordan starts to say then stops. 

Leah lifts her head up and looks at her girlfriend's expression. Jordan is lost deep in concentration for a few moments before her face breaks back into a worried look. 

"We need to admit this is becoming a huge problem Leah and it needs fixing," Jordan says kindly. 

Leah nods, there is no point arguing this small fantasy problem is starting to be a major issue. Jordan smiles at Leah's response then gets to her feet offering a hand to help Leah up. Leah gets to her feet and before she can even say thank you Jordan has pulled her in for a big warm comforting hug that almost sets Leah off crying again. Her girlfriend is just the best thing that could have happened to her and Leah wants to be fully focused on making sure she is worthy enough to be loved like this by Jordan Nobbs.


	6. Dinner with Lisa

Dinner with Lisa 

"I dunno how you two can eat that stuff," Leah pouts looking at the finished bowls of linguini in front of her girlfriend and Lisa Evans. 

"Easy it's delicious," Lisa says with a big cheery smile. 

"How was the chicken Viv?" Jordan asks while comforting her girlfriend by petting on the knee. 

"Really good," Viv replies in her mixed hybrid Dutch/Scottish accent. 

"Oh, you gonna call Viv boring for having the same as me?" Leah asks raising her eyebrows at Jordan. 

"Course not," Jordan smirks, "I've seen Viv eat proper exotic meals before all covered in spices and everything. 

Leah pouts at Jordan even harder making both Lisa and Viv laugh. The 4 Arsenal stars are tucked away in a small booth of the local Italian restaurant. With the game against Everton only two days away this is not a fancy meal with deserts and a bottle of wine to share between them. Neither couple really mind however as they are all just enjoying a break in the routine. It's always nice to chat with teammates in situations that are not either covered in sweat or traveling back and forth from a game. Leah has an inkling of why they are really here, but she doesn't want to be the first to bring up her embarrassing training ground breakdown. She might just be paranoid, but Leah is pretty sure both Lisa and Vivianne have been slipping in a few worried looks towards her all meal. 

"Right, I'm gonna get more drinks," Viv says sitting up quickly like she was just poked. 

"Thanks babe," Lisa smiles, "Tap water is fine again for me." 

Viv nods and looks over at Jordan who also silently confirms she will stick to water. 

"Wanna help me?" Viv asks as she looks at Leah and the blonde agrees. 

Jordan sinks back into the booth watching her girlfriend pull herself around the table and set off towards the bar after Viv. Letting out a deep breath she didn't even know she was holding in Jordan looks across at Lisa. There is still a kind warm looking smile plastered across Lisa's face, but Jordan can see a worried look in her eyes. 

"She's fine," Jordan says quickly answering the question she has worried about all through dinner. 

"Never said she wasn't," Lisa replies seriously, "But there is something up right?

Jordan nods doubting herself for even wanting to talk about their problems to Lisa.

"I mean if it's too personal and you don't think you can share that's fine but know we all care Jordan and I mean everyone, we all care about you and Leah," Lisa says kindly. 

"Thanks," Jordan says with a blush. 

Jordan can't think of anything to add and just sits in uneasy silence with Lisa. Turning her head Jordan watches Leah go up to the bar with Viv to order drinks before Jordan lets out a sigh. 

"You two seem as in love as ever," Lisa says suddenly breaking the silence. 

"Yeah we are," Jordan answers without a hint of doubt in her mind. 

"That was everyone's biggest worry you know," Lisa's voice shrinks a little. 

"What worry? Jordan says turning her head away from Leah to look Lisa in the eyes. 

"If a perfect couple like you and Leah were having problems then there would be really no hope for the rest of us," Lisa jokes and Jordan can't help but chuckle. 

"We are far from perfect Lisa," The blonde says but that just makes Lisa smile. 

"I know, I just mean like from the first day I came to Arsenal I could see how you felt about her," Lisa explains making Jordan blush. 

"Was I that obvious?" Jordan asks and Lisa nods. 

"Every single new signing we have ever had always brought you guys up asking what the deal was between the two of ya," Lisa smirks at the memory making Jordan's blush even brighter. 

"God that's so embarrassing," Jordan mutters getting another giggle from Lisa. 

"Hey, it's not like Leah was Miss smooth and subtle," Lisa says firmly, "Sometimes it was like watching a puppy follow its owner around the way she tagged onto you."

Jordan can't help but giggle at the idea of puppy dog Leah following her around with big love hearts in her eyes. She never noticed Leah acting like this around her, but Jordan has never been one to notice the obvious things. Jordan had always worried that Leah would notice how in love with her she was, but Leah admitted she didn't notice Jordan staring at her all the time either. The whole world seemingly could see something that took the two blonde years to see for themselves.

"Seeing her running off crying though was so unsettling," Lisa admits bringing the light conversation back down to earth. 

"Tell me about it," Jordan huffs in response automatically looking back over towards her girlfriend. 

Viv and Leah look to be talking to each other and Jordan suddenly gets nervous. Lisa and Viv might have come to this dinner with a plan of divide and conquer. It's a clever plan and it's clearly working as Jordan can see Leah respond to Viv's talking. 

"Is she ok? Lisa asks cautiously. 

"Yeah, she's fine," Jordan lies quickly then turns away from Leah watching to look at Lisa. 

Jordan can see the look of disbelief on Lisa's face and knows that lie was not bought at all. 

"She's mostly good she just got this thing inside her head, it's nothing major but it's feeding her self-doubt," Jordan explains quickly wondering how much of the issue she can skirt around even though coming to this dinner to get advice from Lisa was her idea now Jordan is getting cold feet. 

"Oh," Lisa says and Jordan can tell Lisa wants to ask more. 

"It's something Katie brought up at that party a few weeks ago," Jordan starts to explain feeling like Lisa isn’t going to stop asking till she answers properly. 

She watches Lisa lean forward slightly with a confused, but patient look on her face. It's now or never for Jordan, she really isn't comfortable talking about Leah's problems with others. She does have to do something to help Leah though, she knows the tears in training will have really rocked the younger blonde's self-belief. 

"Leah doesn't have sexual fantasies about me," Jordan says softly. 

Blushing Jordan realizes she has now told now two members of the Arsenal squad about Leah's issue. It will become a team wide problem soon if she keeps talking about it. Lisa's shocked look distracts Jordan from the idea that she is a tell all. 

"What Leah? Lisa asks with both eyebrows raised. 

Jordan nods, "We do have sex just she doesn't think anything sexual about me at all." 

Lisa's shocked expression doesn't fade away instead she twists her head over to where her girlfriend and Leah are still chatting. She looks back at Jordan still appearing confused and now Jordan feels like the one who doesn't understand. 

"Wow really?" Lisa repeats and Jordan feels like laughing. 

"Yeah, I guess she doesn't look the type? Jordan guesses still wondering why Lisa doesn't believe her. 

"Damn that's a surprise, could have sworn I got some killer bedroom vibes from her," Lisa says looking back over at Leah. 

Jordan can't help but giggle now, the idea of her sweet loving girlfriend having killer bedroom vibes is just too funny. 

"Oh, um sorry Jords wasn't like I was thinking about Leah like that," The Scottish international stutters. 

"I know you weren't it's fine," Jordan continues to giggle. 

"Still though I always figured Leah was the one in charge," Lisa replies thoughtfully. 

"Oi," Jordan pouts making Lisa giggle. 

"Sorry Jords but you know how good she looks and how in control and confident she appears sometimes," Lisa explains and Jordan can only nod to that. 

"Yeah, I do," Jordan says wistfully, "Do you think maybe she has no sexual thoughts about me because." 

"No," Lisa says firmly stopping Jordan mid-sentence. 

"Don't even think things like you are not sexy enough," Lisa continues glaring right into Jordan's face. 

"I wasn't thinking like that it's just well Leah says she's always been like that," Jordan explains hoping to deflect away from her own insecurities. 

"Wow," Lisa says again chancing one last glance over at the two tall women by the bar. 

"Yeah, and um well I was talking to Katie about it and she brought up you guys," Jordan says blushing slightly. 

Lisa turns round fully now giving Jordan all her attention. 

"Oh, did she now?" Lisa replies with a look that makes Jordan smile. 

"She didn't mean too she was trying to help," Jordan chuckles wondering if she just got their left back into trouble. 

Lisa continues to frown before shaking her head, "I'll deal with Katie later, but honestly I don't know how much I can help." 

Jordan pouts and bites her lip, she knows what she wants to ask but it's very personal and almost offensive. Lisa quickly reads the indecision on Jordan's face and breaks into a wide grin. 

"It's ok to ask you know I won't bite your head off," Lisa says sweetly. 

"Viv might," Jordan replies nervously. 

"You know she's a big softie Jordan don't be silly, she was the one most worried about Leah the other day," Lisa smiles and Jordan relaxes. 

"How did you and Viv erm get that comfortable?" Jordan phrases politely. 

"You mean how did we start having awesome kinky sex?" Lisa asks with a giggle. 

Jordan feels her whole face suddenly glow red like a set of traffic lights. She turns her face away to compose herself as Lisa cackles merrily. 

"Come on Jordan it won't help Leah if you are too embarrassed to talk about it," Lisa teases and Jordan's head quickly spins round. 

"Do you think that's part of the problem?" Jordan asks hopefully. 

Lisa frowns and leans back a little thinking on her answer. 

"It's no one's fault Jordan but yeah I found if I was more open with what I wanted Viv got more relaxed about sex talk," The Scottish winger explains. 

Jordan tries her hardest to hold back a giggle, she loves Viv and Lisa but thinking about the two of the sitting down and having a proper sex talk just feels odd. She is laughing now but Jordan knows it's not something she has ever done with Leah, they slept together for the first time because they were 6 dates in and it felt right. The giggles die away as Jordan searches back through her foggy memory to try and think of a time the two of them ever really talked about sex. 

"I know it sounds like super nerdy and clinical," Lisa starts to explain and Jordan instantly thinks that would be something Leah would enjoy. 

"Was Viv like Leah then?" Jordan asks softly.

"No," Lisa replies and Jordan sighs but Lisa carries on talking, "She was just super shy, and you know I was like her first girlfriend, so it was rough at the start getting her to admit what she liked and wanted." 

Jordan finds herself leaning across the table wanting to hear more. 

"It didn't take just one conversation either it took months before you know Viv would ask for sex or be vocal in her kinks," Lisa explains as Jordan blushes. 

The last thing Jordan Nobbs wants to know about is Vivianne Miedema's kinks. She likes the Dutch girl to still be a bit of a mystery to her despite their friendship. It adds to Viv's unique aura and Jordan likes having the reassurance of that on game day. 

"So, me and Leah need to talk a lot?" Jordan queries and Lisa nods. 

"Lots and lots of open honest talk, in the daytime, fully clothed and without it leading to any sex," Lisa beams with another big smile. 

"But what can I say to her Lisa? I'm not confident about this like you," Jordan worries aloud. 

Lisa leans forward to match Jordan and firmly grabs the blonde's hands. 

"You love her right?" Lisa asks and Jordan quickly nods. 

"In your mind she is perfect right, and you have all these non-stop thoughts about her?" Lisa questions and again Jordan nods. 

"Start with that, don't go crazy but telling her how you see her mentioning the erotic things you wanna do to her body, the way you want to scream her name in pleasure," Lisa lowers her voice to a whisper. 

Jordan takes a deep breath and almost starts trembling in her chair. The low rumble of Lisa's voice and the powerful look in her eyes sends a naughty thrill down Jordan's spine. She can completely imagine Lisa telling Viv all her naughtiest erotic kinks. Jordan shivers picturing herself telling Leah about some of her more forbidden fantasies. 

Lisa grins, "Just be honest with her and in time hopefully like me your girl will surprise you with some naughty thoughts of her own." 

Like a tease Lisa licks her lips and Jordan is sure Lisa can see the panic in her eyes. The panic of her melting into a puddle if Leah ever came out with an erotic kinky thought about her. Jordan knows if Leah had half the sexual fantasies, she had then she would be pretty much a slave to the blonde girl's whims. Lisa's eyebrows briefly shoot up in surprise as she reads Jordan's face before her lips curl up in a smirk.

"Why Miss Nobbs I had no idea you could be so easy," Lisa teases in that low erotic whisper. 

Jordan Nobbs feels seen, her lust and devotion for Leah must be written on her face in big neon letters. At least Lisa is what she always expected from her at least what she privately assumed that Lisa wore the pants at home around Viv. The idea that she and Viv might be on the same level frightens and excites Jordan as she turns her head away. Lisa puts a finger on Jordan's chin and pulls her face back towards her. 

"Trust me, you are no less a woman for thinking like that, be honest let Leah into your mind let her see herself through your eyes," Lisa whispers firmly. 

"She's a goddess," Jordan whispers back without thinking. 

"Damn right she is, so is mine and she thinks the same about me and you know Leah thinks the same about you," Lisa smiles proudly. 

"How can we all be goddesses?" Jordan giggles at the absurd idea. 

"Cause we are all awesome sweetie," Lisa beams leaning forward a little more pecking Jordan lightly on the lips. 

"Hey that's mine," Leah jokes suddenly appearing at the side of the table holding two drinks. 

"Sorry," Lisa smirks leaning back to sit down as Viv hands Lisa her drink, "Happy to trade you for a night or two though." 

Both Viv and Leah blush as Lisa laughs and Jordan knows she has missed some inside joke like always. She turns to look at Leah and Jordan sees the happiness in her expression. 

"You good?" Jordan leans in and asks. 

Leah nods, "Much better thanks Viv said some nice things that I needed to hear." 

Jordan's heart swells as she leans in and cuddles into Leah. She looks over her shoulder at Viv and Lisa who are watching them, and mouths thank you. Both girls smile and Jordan lets out a deep thankful breath as she hugs Leah, this is what she needed hopefully this is a start where both she and Leah can become an awesome in sync couple like Lisa and Viv.


End file.
